Starting New

I’ve been in Marquette, MI for two months now…and my how life has changed. A new state, a new time zone, a new climate, a new culture, a new cycle, a new landscape, a new community, a new world…it may go without saying, but I’m new here as well. Not just the new kid in town, new to myself, a new version, beginning again.

Building life in a new place with new people is something of the miraculous. Struck by the privilege I possess to make such changes in my life, I find myself asking how do I do this well? How do I emerge into a new place and brings my whole self in a way that is service to what is here now? What is needed? What do I offer? Do they align?

Do they align…?

Do I know what alignment means, in this new place with these new faces? The past two months have been full of waiting, of observation, of listening to what is abuzz here so I can sense into my vibration along with it and entrain, align. And what I’m finding, as the snow covers the ground and the sun begins a long game of hide-and-seek, is that synchronicity is bringing forth the song of rightness. There is much ease, much welcomeness, much intersecting love and celebration, that yes, there is alignment. An alignment I can surrender to, one that I can trust. It feels amazing…serendipitous encounters with like minds, similar paths, resonating laughter and shared awkward silence. The sweet embrace of new friendships destined for longevity but coming to rest in stillness.

That alignment is in the sense of ease. Of the full-body yes with each encounter. Those moments of exhale that come when sitting quietly with a new place/person/sky and feeling welcome, just as I am. That alignment comes from deep within my system, a resting that emerges that is only glaring in a body that has forgotten it…a body that has been tense with seeking for so long, it has forgotten what it means to see…

It is a rest that comes from not knowing that everything is going to work out, but feeling that it already has…even while I’m questioning, even in my panic of not knowing, even as I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into. I question…but I don’t doubt. I’m curious but not skeptical about how this thing is going to turn out. Because there is a weight in my feet here, held to the ground which is soft and soaked with water. There is breath in my heart here, filled with cold early winter air and space. And there is a quietness in my mind here, a slowness afforded by a trust of the great mystery that has been holding me, guiding me to this little town, far north, on Lake Superior, here…on Turtle Island.

At the same time, the beauty of this trust is not without tests in patience, for starting a new life, and a new business, is not easy. Coming into a place as a counselor and bodyworker, the odds aren’t always in your favor. Building a client base is not passive. It requires diving head long into the community…and though that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, it’s taxing for someone who likes to be at home, quietly day dreaming, having solo dance parties, or reading. The tension pulls on me. How do I let my agenda go? How do I genuinely show up and engage not to find clients, but to become a valuable part of this community? How do I dance with that scarcity mindset that can create myopic focus…so I miss the point of the party…

It starts with settling into what is abundant already, and for me that is the medicine I carry… The medicine I carry as a bodyworker and a counselor is abundant, overflowing and nourishing. I don’t question my medicine anymore, for I have seen it bring change in peoples lives, felt it bring change in my own. I don’t question myself anymore, but I do question how to “make a living” off of something so ineffable and sacred as this medicine. I question how to “sell” what it is I have to offer. And then again, I question how much scarcity participates in my showing up…I don’t question if what I offer is needed, but I question accessibility for those that need it. Are my prices fair to us both? Is it possible to do counseling virtually to increase access to other places, other times, for busy lives that cannot afford the time it takes to go somewhere and see someone…?

This is all new.

I sit quietly. I ask Great Spirit and Mother Creator to guide me. They tell me to trust, and I do. I feel gratitude…and ask myself what would be nourishing now? What will feed trust in this experience of newness….?

Honesty. Vulnerability. Authenticity. Clarity.

It’s hard to start over. It’s hard to trust that I’ll be able to build a practice that will sustain me and nourish those that so deeply need it. It’s hard to trust myself to not operate out of scarcity, but rather live into abundance. It’s hard to be an anti-capitalist and try to start a business in a new way. It’s hard to present myself to a new community as a counselor, a bodyworker…a healer. It’s hard to speak of the ancestors and spirits that guide me in this work. It’s hard to be a Colorado girl turned California woman turned UP Michigan transplant.

And, it’s aligned. It’s righteous, and right. It’s simple and honest. It’s a blessing.

Following synchronicity has taught me what it means to be of this Earth more than anything else. It is what has drawn me from place to place, so I can sit here now, tea in hand, and write about these experiences in honest reflection. I don’t want it to ever seem I am somewhere I’m not – for better or for worse. So here I am…

At the beginning…

Let’s see what happens next.

tse.

2018

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