The other evening, we attended a shamanic drum circle. If you haven’t done this kind of internal work – I highly recommend it. Shaman means those that see in the dark – and with their guidance, we’re able to see deep into our our subconscious and the natural world to come back with answers that allow us to live with more ease and joy. During this particular journey, I ventured down to the lower world (that of the earth bound spirits i.e. animal, plant, mineral and the elements) to ask my spirit animal how to live in sweetness and ease and when I found my hummingbird, she twisted her brilliant ribcage side to side and told me to love shamelessly. She showed me clear cut earth, tar sand scars, and with a whisper and that beautiful beating of her wings, reminded me of the things that matter and gave me the permission to love shamelessly.
I have dwelled in this idea for the past day now and I wondered what all this shame is about. And then I realized, that is exactly what I needed to hear. In so many moments in life, we’re often afraid to lean in and love fully. Unsure of how our love will be received, if it will be reciprocated or shunned, if it’s just and logical to love fully, we close and hold all our potential for great love in. Afraid of how the love will be held when it begins to pour from us, we stop ourselves from allowing it to flow. In all this holding, we grow tight and cold around our ability to love, forgetting that it’s our greatest gift and birth right. To love fully and wholeheartedly. Unashamed and powerfully. Whether it’s a project you want to see succeed beyond what you believe to be your ability, a lover you want to keep inside your heart forever, our planet and a longing to save it from destruction or an idea that requires nurturing and attention, when we limit ourselves, tie knots tightly across our chest, and prevent ourselves from leaning in, we miss the opportunity to experience something more profound than what we could imagine. We lose the chance to step beyond our hopes and into our wildest dreams. The pain we hypothesize would occur if our love shows “fruitless” keeps us suffering a longer, slower loss of love unexpressed. We have to start to lean in to our own capacity to love and without shame, give of ourselves all we can to that which is beautiful and profound to us. That love then radiates beyond us and those around us will begin to see the beauty of our love as well, and we begin to see the beauty of what they love. We all then have clarity to move to each other with compassion and truth and see how loving and beautiful the world can truly be.
Beyond that, when I asked this hummingbird how to express this love, she tossed me into a flower and sent me into the earth. Covered in nectar, I rolled over to experience myself as the earth with a beautiful redwood growing from my chest. I looked up this long tree trunk and felt the wisdom of centuries pulsing in my veins. I rolled over into the center of the earth and felt the fire of source and creation burning sweetly in my womb – illuminating my being with golden light. I moved through the center of the earth to emerge with dancing grasses sprawling across the valley of my sternum between the mountain peaks of my breasts – the red lava of the center of the earth breathing life into my body and erupting from my laughing mouth. I laughed to pull myself into the fetal position as a rose unfolded around me and the hummingbird, with her colorful dancing heart giggled and simply said “Don’t you already know?” and in that moment, I did. I came to truly know that the earth is born of me as much as I am born of it. That from my heart, I am able to nurture the redwoods with love and a deep willingness to listen – just as they have held me many times before. That the choice of loving without shame, without hesitation, without doubt or fear is one that comes to those lucky enough to feel the core of the earth burning inside them. That the bliss of leaning in with a wide and brilliantly open heart is a decision available to us all, but only when we remember that we ARE love. We are the embodied creation of joy and peace – the ecstatic energy of life and love taking human form for but one moment.
We are wiser than we give ourselves credit for and far more capable than we will ever truly know – unless we lean into it (whatever it is) with courage and faith. Not a blind faith, but a trust in what we have come to know and a belief that if we are willing to go forward, our love will see us through.